Priorities People…Priorities…

Another deviation from the usual.

Quick update: Everything is still good with the meds, still have not made it to PT for my shoulder (which has been hurting like a mother… lately), and no upcoming doctors’ appointments (that I’m aware of anyway).

Okay, so, let’s get right down to business…

If you’ve ever been divorced or are going through one now, you may be able to relate to what I’m saying. As I mentioned in my very raw, last post, I’m in the middle of (what has spiraled into) a nasty separation from my husband. Thankfully, I’m not vomiting for days on end and I don’t cry much anymore. I went through my period of “I’m meant to spend the time I have left alone, and I’ll die alone and blah blah”; I’m over it. Guess who gets to decide if I die alone or not? This chick right here. Took me a minute to realize that. At this moment, I’m in the ‘acceptance phase’ of the grieving cycle and it’s been nice. It’s nice to be at peace for the first time in a REALLY long time. I’m not naïve enough to think that this phase will last forever, or for as long as I may like it to, so for now, I’m relishing it.

Oddly enough, even though I feel at peace with the decision I’ve made, there’s always constant stress. I mean, everyone knows that separation and divorce are messy but good god. This is what I imagine purgatory must be like; half in the light, but still forced into the dark. It’s a nightmare. If there isn’t silent, sickening, negative energy, there’s constant arguing. It’s the arguing that’s draining me of what little energy I already have. I honestly didn’t think that someone you’ve known for over a decade could turn into a complete and utter asshole overnight. I get it, I want the divorce and he doesn’t (he might at this point, who knows). He’s hurt and angry, and I own my part in creating that ‘monster’ but some of the jabs are outrageous. It’s as if the goal is to see who can hurt the most; I don’t really get it. Issues from years ago suddenly surface, ones that you thought had been resolved and put in the “it’s done and over with” bucket. Then there’s the name calling, which, you can’t really take to heart because you know that the words are coming from anger, and anger stems from fear. I can handle the names. I’ve already decided that he can no longer hurt me with his words; I won’t allow it.

The two things I can’t, sorry, refuse to put up with are parenting comments and the victim/perpetrator game. The parenting comments are self-explanatory; just don’t be a jackass and start throwing around unfounded and false ‘bad’ parenting comments. Simple as that. Unless there is a genuine issue when it comes the parenting skills (or lack thereof) of one spouse, there’s no excuse to take the knife out and start stabbing. Then comes my least favorite psychological game of all time; cops and robbers’ aka victim and perpetrator. Why each spouse needs to ‘fall into’ one of the two categories makes absolutely no sense. In most cases, like mine, it took two to make the marriage, and it took two to burn it down. No one party’s sins are greater than the other when it really boils down to it. There’s zero need for pity parties and unnecessary drama. If anything, this should be a time for self-reflection and a time to work through the (individual) issues that caused said divorce.

Spend the time working on yourself and spending time with your child; they’re the ones that are going to suffer in the end if the pettiness and games continues. Common sense!

 

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